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Funny Fitness Stories: You Know You Have Them

September 1, 2015

 

"True story".  Whenever you hear somebody utter those words you're either A) about to hear the craziest thing ever or B) have actually just heard the craziest thing ever.  From my first day on the job in the fitness industry (at the ripe age of 17) I have compiled a novel of crazy gym stories.  One of these days I just may publish it as I think it would be pretty entertaining.

 

That got me to thinking: why not test the waters and see what the rest of the world can contribute?  I mean, think about it: we are in a people business. People are interesting characters in our ever changing drama we call life, and they can be quite interesting, unusual, weird and yes hysterically funny.  Back in October of 2014, Club Industry ran an article about health club horror stories around Halloween time.  Excellent stuff I might say as people added their unbelievable tales and it was quite enjoyable reading.  Hopefully you will get a chuckle out of these few moments in my career and you will share one or two of yours.

 

Here we go:

 

The Old Guy in the Locker Room

 

I have to admit that this story was not my first "old guy locker room story" but it is the one I can write about safely.  I was about 18 years old, working as a personal trainer in a nice country club fitness center.  The world was my oyster as they say.  One day, I needed to ease nature and use the restroom, and as I gandered through the locker room, here he was in all his glory.  This short, 75+ year old guy that looked like he swallowed a 65cm stability ball (seriously- normal size guy, but the belly was protruding and just flat out weird, perfectly round) was standing in front of the mirror shaving.  His. Entire. Body.

 

Covered foot to face in shaving cream, he takes his razor and starts at his ankle and quickly, in one fast paced, giant stroke comes all the way up his leg, past the man parts and then...over the big round belly, up the chest, throat/neck and then face. Dips the razor in the water turns around and says to me: "That's how you do it sonny" and went back to the next stroke. 

 

If he is still around I wonder if he is a member of the Dollar Shave Club.

 

Gotta Get My Calcium

 

Another fond memory at the same aforementioned facility.  This club used to put complimentary coffee out in the lounge for the members to enjoy at their leisure before it was really fashionable to do any such thing in a gym.  They spent many thousands of dollars offering this service, only to have it abused by many.  I recall fondly sitting there in the early morning hours, watching the members come in and FILL UP THEIR THERMOS for the day.  Not a portable cup--no no.  That would be magical.  I'm talking the giant construction like ones that you can fuel a family with.  There was flavored coffee too, and that just made life more enjoyable in the lobby.  The yells of the freeloaders: "you need more hazelnut and I need to get to work!"

 

But one day, this sweet lady took things to a whole different level.  As I passed through the lobby to meet my next appointment at the reception desk, I caught her doing shots.  Yes, you read that right.  Shots.  At 6am.  Now, if this club was in Vegas, I completely understand and I just keep walking.  But what struck me as odd was the KIND of shots she was doing, and the large amount she was doing.  Patrone? Whiskey?  Oh no- this lady was banging down coffee creamer shots.  That's right- you read that correctly.  The little coffee mate creamers.

 

As I watched in amazement, she downed an entire bowl- about 30 of them- in record setting time.  I asked her if she needed anything to go with her morning drink and her reply: "Nope, I'm good.  Just gotta get my calcium for the day!"  She slammed her last one, cleaned up her mess and went about her business.

 

Every time I see those little creamers I think of this day.  I can see it so vividly and I just get a huge grin on face.  I hope you garnered up a smile when reading this too.

 

Now it's your turn. 

 

Object: Post a story of your own in the comments section AND share this story via your social media.

Goal:  Have the best story.

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